coulda woulda shoulda

Well to start this off on a positive note-I ran a whopping 7 miles last week.  I used to be able to run that distance on one given day, but who's counting.  Part of that included 2 loops of the reservoir which surprisingly weren't as slow as I thought they would be-and I wasn't pushing the pace, it felt comfortable.  The heart rate was a little bit elevated though, which pretty much illustrates how out of shape I am.  The (sh)IT band didn't feel too too bad afterwards...could tell something was still there, but thankfully no pain...of course I made sure to stretch well before/after and ice it down afterwards.  So maybe this distance (not every day of course) I should stick with for now.  But I still feel it's gonna be a long, lonely road ahead...since seemingly everyone and their mother is training for a spring marathon.  But as I said before, at this point I'm just biding my time til November 30th.  In the meantime, you can bet that when I go home to NJ for the holiday weekend, I will be bringing my quadballer, stretching rope and ice pack with me...

So this past weekend, a bunch of my teammates went to Philly to run either the marathon or the half, and as far as I know, all of them ran really well...lotsa PRs or close to it-congrats!  (yeah that includes some fellow bloggers, I'll let them tell their stories and won't spoil it ;-) )  And of course, it had me playing the "coulda shoulda woulda" game.  Because as you may remember, when I was trying to choose my fall marathon, Philly was #2 on my list.  Should I have gone with that instead of Marine Corps-knowing that I have run well in Philly for the half and 10-mile distances before?  Maybe I would have had more time for the (sh)IT band to heal or maybe the circumstances would be different where I would not have gotten injured?  Either way-I wasn't getting to Boston in 2010, it just wasn't in the cards.  But I really don't want to end my 2009 racing year on a bad note-I really don't want my last memory of racing in 2009 to be walking on the 14th Street Bridge in pain.  Even if I recovered in time to do a short race in late December...I don't think there even are any!  (on a side note, I'm bummed to be missing the Kleinerman 10K-I have done that race every single year since I started running!!  Oh well, guess there's still the Mini 10K...which also falls into that category.)

And yeah, short...or shorter...races.  I have wondered what my future as a marathoner is, as this is the 2nd time I have been injured during a training cycle (yeah, I had my plantar fasciitis before I started training for NYCM 2005 which I didn't run anyway...but I guess that still counts.)   Do I really want to be on the DL constantly...no.  I do feel the half-marathon is actually my strongest distance, and I wonder what that 1:37 in the PDR could have been had I really tapered, if my training was more geared towards the half-marathon distance.  Providing I kick this (sh)IT band thing in time (knock on wood) I am targetting a half in early May to hopefully find that out.  But I don't feel like I'd be content sticking with the half...I feel the half-marathon distance does not get the respect it deserves.  From comments that marathoners are "real runners" as opposed to ones who opt for the half (ahem, Lam) to others that the marathon is the "gold standard" and that training for a half-marathon is "not a lot of work."  There's training schedules and tips up the wazoo for running the marathon, but not much out there for a half-marathon (yeah, i've been trying to do my research.)  Hell while I'm at it, as I mentioned in this post last year-I feel there are a lot of distances that don't get enough respect.  I'm just as impressed (hypothetically speaking, of course) with the person who had been working hard to break 18 minutes for 5K and finally did it...as I am with the person who had been working hard to break 4 hours in the marathon and finally did it ;-)  It's the journey, not the destination...or something like that.  (And before anyone says it, yes that thinking can be and I guess should be applied to my training for MCM too :-P )  Or a Flyer memory that stands out in my mind was a coupla years back when we had a track meet at Chelsea Piers, and one of our girls was dying to run the mile and see how fast she can run it.  And run it well she did, came in under 9 minutes, exceeded her goals and was absolutely thrilled.  Don't know why, but her reaction to racing the mile really sticks with me.

And what if, for whatever reason, someone *can't* run long distances because their bodies don't let them (e.g., being too injury-prone).  Does that mean that their goal distances should not be respected because they have no choice but to race short distances?  Or those who need extra recovery time from the marathon distance and can't run another marathon a week or 2 later...or heck, can't even run a half a week or 2 later.  I think I fall into that category-I feel compared to my other teammates, I am unusually slow when it comes to recovery...last year I didn't race til a month after NYCM and it was relatively short (10K), and I felt that-the race distance and the recovery period-was perfect.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this.  But I guess...can we not treat the half-marathon like it's the marathon's poor stepbrother/stepsister?  (and same with the mile, 5k, 10k, etc...whatever else I missed!)  I've done the marathon, I have no desire to one-up that and go any further in terms of distance...and like I said, sometimes I wonder what could be if I moved down in distance and concentrated on that.  Which maybe I will do...once I get this damn BQ monkey off my back!! :(|)  (which is a whole other story in itself...)

the next move is yours

Maybe "the next step is yours" or "the next run is yours" would have been more appropriate but I just felt like using another episode title from The Hills.  I just love how K-Cav got asked on last nite's epsiode why she doesn't go after any guys besides Brody and Justin Bobby.  Uh...maybe because they are seemingly the only 2 single guys in LA?  And Heidi and Spencer seriously deserve the title of "Dumb and Dumber"...yeah brilliant plan Heidi-Ho, to "surprise" Spencer by going off the pill and trying to get pregnant to spite him.  They truly deserve each other.  And after last nite's episode of The City I feel like I need to slap some sense into Whitney, didn't she learn her lesson in Miami that hanging with Roxy is career suicide?  And am I the only one who's on Team Erin and thinks someone needs to put Olivia in her place?  And as for the third show on Triple Tuesday, reality-style, Dancing With the Stars...Joanna and Derek (not Jeter or Rose, hehe) wuz robbed!!  Alright, enough reality TV talk for now...

So the recovery progresses.  3 days in a row of yoga and weights...maybe make it 4 tomorrow?  Leg presses, leg curls and the hip adductor (sp?) machine have become a regular part of the routine.  Doing my PT homework daily.  Hope this will all pay off in the long run (ha ha).  And oh yeah-I actually did 15 minutes on the dreadmill on Monday!  This is where I get annoyed at my physical therapist.  So I see her Monday morning and she asks me if doing spinning has still aggrevated the knee...uh you told me not to do it!  I said I wouldn't try spinning or running until given the OK...I'm trying to be a good little girl here!  And I actually got the OK to try to "run a few miles" but of course I know better than to do a few miles now.  But I really wanted to see where I was at in terms of recovery, so i figure the dreadmill was safe, in case I needed to stop before 15 minutes were up.  And thankfully I didn't...there was some improvement, but not really 100%...still don't feel like I'm out of the woods just yet.  But no lingering pain yesterday or today.  So if 15 minutes every coupla days is what's gonna keep my sanity during this recovery period...I'll take it.

But really, right now I'm kinda biding my time til November 30th, when I have my follow up appointment with doctor #1 and if he gives me another prescription for more PT, I do intend to switch.  It's just really frustrating to not really feel like I have a game plan for recovery and for building back up...this is why I'd prefer to see one who is more familiar with runners.  But this is nothing that I haven't already talked about before!  So we wait...

the race to register

I know this is old news by now since it's been over the place (of course, since this is, like, the only race that matters, seemingly) but registration for Boston 2010 closed out on Friday-in record time!!  From what i hear, 2 months earlier than last year, and even that is early?  I just feel bad for those who were gonna give qualifying a shot in Philly or Vegas or somewhere else in November, December or even January!!

I see a couple of things happening because of this...first off, next year all the September/October marathons are gonna fill up quick (anyone want to bet that Chicago sells out in record time too?)...November races like Philly just may take a hit because of this.

The other thing-which I am really hoping does not happen but I have a sinking feeling it will-is that the qualifying standards are gonna be made stricter for 2011.  All this busting my butt to try and run a 3:40, and then possibly that may not even be good enough.  And if the standards are gonna be tightened, by how much?  Maybe I can sneak in a 3:35 (and 59 friggin seconds if I need it!).  But 3:30?  No way.  But then again, there is the consolation that I move up an age group in 2012...hopefully the 5 extra minutes won't get taken away!!  I'd prefer to run the under-35 qualifying time, whatever it winds up being, but I may have to take what I can get.  And why do I care so much...eh maybe stuff I was thinking about in this past blog post is part of it...

Changing the topic, I just wanted to point you all to a very funny blog post about a cheater/bandit in NYCM who was caught-thanks Yan for the heads up!!  This should be filed under "What NOT to do when trying to bandit a major marathon." :)

"on to the next"

And this latest post title has been brought to you by the latest episode of The Hills.  Is it me, or has this episode finally brought back the show we all hate to love, or love to hate?  How staged was K-Cav and Jayde's catfight...I know there is only one club in LA and of course they will run into each other, especially when Kristin is with Brody, but still!  And I thought Audrina and Lo would "never be friends"...and now they are BFF's?  And WHY, for the good of all humankind, could Spencer have just gone through with getting neutered??? :)

I guess that title is just appropriate for lots going on lately.  Of course, the running stuff, but I'll get to that later.  Earlier this week, I had to let go of a wonderful guy who has been very near and dear to me for the last few months-well this was kind of a mutual "letting go."  (And he has never gotten a blog mention before...well at least not in the context of dating, so you know I was really into him and that it was going well! ;-) )  My heart said "stay" but my head knew what was the right thing to do, if we wanted to salvage any kind of a friendship...which I am optimistic about.  But it's tough all the same-we really shared a lot...between running and outside of running.  He'd be the first person I'd call/text when something good happened...or even when something bad happened and I needed consoling, or just someone to talk to.  Don't get me wrong, I wasn't overdependent, but there is that comfort in knowing someone is there.  Luckily, it did end on a good note and we are still speaking and not arguing...so I am hopeful! :)  So in this case "on to the next" is not so much the next guy, but more the next phase of our relationship...never know where it can take me/us.  And some of you...and you know who you are ;-) ...this does not give you free reign to immediately fix me up with your coworker/cousin/neighbor/random acquaintance/doorman/etc. ;-)  Just need time right now...and as Natasha Bedingfield says in her song "Single"-I can't "romance on demand!"  (On that topic, has anyone ever checked out the lyrics to that song, and then to Natasha's song "Soulmate"?  Talk about one singer having opposing points of view!  The latter is a beautiful song, but I swear I can't listen to it without getting teary-eyed!)

And as for the running thing, I swear I really am trying to move "on to the next" as well!  Whatever that may be.  As I said in my previous post-I do have 2 races next year that I am tentatively penciling in as goal races (yes, one is a marathon but it won't be til the fall though.)  Little hesitant to post what they are now, so wait and see.  I have my follow-up appointment with doctor #1 at the end of this month, so I'll see if there is any positive progress made.  One thing I do want to explore, which was mentioned before, is new orthotics...my current ones are 5 years old and I wouldn't be surprised if that was one of the culprits.  Unfortunately, I have different medical insurance now and I don't believe they will be covered, so it would be pricier this time around...but if it's something that will save my running future (and my previous ones did!) it's a worthwhile investment...especially stretched out over a few years.

And keeping with "on to the next"...I'm thinking I might like to switch physical therapists too.  My current one is nice, don't get me wrong, but...I'm feeling like there should be more progress by now, and I'd love to find one who is more familiar with runners.  I don't know if I can do that without another prescription for PT from the doctor, but if is indeed what he prescribes, that may be the way to go.  So NYC-area runners-if you have any recommendations for me, I'd be very grateful to hear them!!  Only prerequisite is that they must take insurance :)

So there you have it-I am honestly dwelling less on the past and trying to look ahead.  But I do still feel I need a little help getting there...more with game plans than anything else!!

i don't wanna cry

This post title has been brought to you by some old-school Mariah Carey.  Yeah, the days of the "Best New Artist" Grammy, the days when she was banging Tommy Mottola...before she graduated to the likes of Derek Jeter (though doesnt he, to this day still deny it?) and Puff Daddy/Puffy/P. Diddy/whatever his name at the moment is...and of course, way, way before the career mistake known as "Glitter."

Moving away from that for a second-no you're not seeing things, the bloggy did get an Extreme Makeover over the weekend.  Yes since I'm not running, I have too much time on my hands, I know I know.  But also, my old-school template wouldn't let me take advantage of any of the newer, cooler Blogger features & gadgets...and I guess after 3 years, was time for a change!!  Don't like it?  Tough luck.  I'm keeping it.

So back to the title and what it has to do with everything?  Well the fact that I haven't run a step since October 25th has something to do with it.  And if it were the winter OK maybe it wouldnt be so bad, but the fact that NYC has had 2 beautiful weather days in a row and I haven't been able to enjoy it, have had to take it indoors.  And as I said before, I don't mind cross-training too much, but I really have to enjoy it, and that took a hit when spinning was banned as the (sh)IT band didn't seem to like it too much.  Yoga is fine and good, but the elliptical is just boring.  45 minutes on it yesterday and it felt like work!!  I really can't believe how out of shape I've gotten in 2 weeks...not good :(

But it's just I have had other things in my life lately that have either brought me to tears, or close to it...matters of the heart (i may be biased, but I don't think I know anybody more unlucky in love than myself)...changes a-coming at the office (i will still have a job, but...things are happening where communication is shit, no real game plans in place except just "winging it", attitudes flying, the wrong people IMHO being on the receiving end of it...long story, aint going into it here)  Yeah, I know having a coupla grain alcohol margaritas at a cool Murray Hill Mexican establishment with a cool friend can help ;-) but I've learned after my infamous 9-day drinking streak that it's (drinking, that is-not girl talk!) just a temporary escape.  I miss being able to lace up the Brooks or Asics and being able to hit Central Park for a few miles, listen to some cool music on the iPod, seeing everyone I know or not seeing anyone, but just being able to forget my troubles for a little bit...sans hangover :)  And I think it's really getting me down, cross-training doesn't seem to be cutting it in that department.

Or I've read other blog posts about post-marathon depression...I think I dealt with it back in 2006...going from a high of a great first marathon back to reality which was a total mess.  Last year I don't think I dealt with it but it does seem to be making a return appearance this year-and I didn't even finish my marathon!  I'll reiterate what I said in my previous post-I have finally come to terms with the events of October 25th-for whatever reason that I can't comprehend just yet, it wasn't meant to be.  But I want to look ahead, I do have a couple of races in mind for next year, but I just need this damn (sh)IT band to heal-not just for that, but for my overall sanity as well...

Well as the post title says, I don't wanna cry, I want to be tough, I want to be strong, but sometimes there is only so much I can take.  And before anyone says it, I am aware things can be a lot worse.  But I just want to see that light at the end of the injury tunnel and all I see is dimness and uncertainity.  I don't know what these next few weeks are gonna bring.  But I do hope that my next post title can sing a happier tune.

second opinions suck

So where did I leave off...oh yeah...streak of drinking 9 nights in a row...not proud of.  Said streak stopped at 9 as I decided to give myself the night off on Tuesday, but was started back up again Wednesday between my company's "Oktoberfest" celebration and heading out to a UWS bar literally within stumbling distance-not that I needed to stumble-to watch Game 6 of the World Series with Flyers YP and AH.  However, I was actually home sweet home when the actual winning moment happened-though on the phone with a certain special Yankee fan to sorta "celebrate" together ;-)  And anyway, this latest drinking streak only lasted a day.  And no, I didn't go to the parade downtown...way too much stuff to do here (i know, i know, why am I blogging then?) plus I had a feeling it would just be chaotic.  Case in point-when taking the 3 train to work this AM, a bunch of chicks dressed in Yankee gear were "pre-gaming" on the subway, drinking beer out of those clear plastic cups that you get iced coffee in...come on, how stupid can you be?  If you're gonna drink from plastic cups, make sure they are not see through!!  I've had wine in Central Park enough times to know the drill ;-)

So in effort to keep things sorta on topic, maybe I should explain the title.  I went to a different doctor yesterday to get a second opinion as to what was going on.  And in less than 5 minutes, was diagnosed as "classic (sh)IT band syndrome."  Though it was good to hear the truth, I really didn't feel like I was leaving with a real plan of action.  Yeah, I know its an overuse injury, yeah I know "our bodies are not meant to run 26 miles."  Tell me something I don't know.  I know it sounds crazy, but I had X-rays done and nothing was broken...I almost wish that was what it was-at least you know bones do heal in due time.  This thing...not so much!!  (Same deal when I had plantar fasciitis a few years back).  So I was sent home with a prescription for prescription-strength Motrin and advice to keep with the PT.

And I had been...doing the exercises daily, and even being able to add more weight/resistance to some of them.  Icing, rolling the shit out of the (sh)IT band, etc.  But the problem was I really didn't know where I was at...I didn't know how I was progressing in terms of recovery.  Well the fact that a spinning class the other nite caused the knee to act up again told me not too well :(  So I can't do that-which I was really, really depending on to help keep my sanity in terms of this downtime-pretty much just relegated to elliptical, yoga and weights.  Which I guess is OK and well, but what I'm more concerned with is that really does not have the same calorie-burning effect that a 40-mile week of running does and I'm really worried about putting on weight during this downtime.  I'm sorry, I don't like myself when I'm too fat...I just don't!!  (especially when I have a dress for the Flyers awards gala I need to still be able to fit into in less than 3 months)  Plus with the holidays coming up and feeling like I have to avoid everything...not thrilled about that.

But enough of that-I guess now that I'm finally over what happened on October 25th-I feel like I have no direction in terms of getting better.  Doctor #1 says its more a hip flexor problem than an ITB problem.  Doctor #2 says its strictly the ITB.  The PT says I need to be targeting both in terms of recovery.  I don't know *what* to believe!  How do I kick this thing?   Is there anything more that I can be doing that I'm not doing?

i've had a little bit too much

Red wine?  Not so much, I only consumed that on Thursday nite at the Flyers pasta party.  Nope, my current still-hungover state was caused by quite a few pints of Blue Moon and Sam Adams Cherry Wheat last nite at the NYF post-marathon party...oh and barely eating anything yesterday too.  Talk about a liquid diet.  So yeah, I have a streak of 8 consecutive nights of alcohol consumption since last Sunday, and will go for a 9th tonite.  But you see, it's not like I'm proud of this or anything, not to mention that I'd gladly give up alcohol if it meant that I could have a healthy right IT band.  I'm dead serious.

So the emotional rollercoaster just has not seemed to let up over the past week.  First off, thanks to all who commented on my last few posts...some made me smile, some made me almost cry again, some made me go "hmmmm", etc.  I am very grateful to my teammates and other friends for the support they have given me over the last few days...at the pasta party, yesterday at the PowerGel station, at the post-party, the NYCM expo, nights out.  Whether it be hugs, consoling words, words of wisdom, retail therapy, tiara therapy, liquor therapy, baseball/World Series therapy.  (And of course there are one or 2 who will remain nameless who need to just leave me alone and let me make my own decisions in due time ;-) )  I thought all the NYF marathon events would be tough on me but they really weren't.  The pasta party was great food as usual...and we even had Brian Sell as a guest speaker!!  How cool is that? :)  The PowerGel station was a good time watching the big dance, seeing teammates and other friends go by, seeing the elites, getting email updates with 5K splits on my CrackBerry, giving out gels (I'm telling you, those things were getting snatched up faster than beers at an open bar!) laughing and singing and dancing and being silly.  And of course the post-party...where let me say I'm glad I took a vacation day today, otherwise I'd be in a world of hurt.  My teammate JF who ran some long runs with me during training...anyway, yesterday she ran her first marathon and broke 4 hours and had a lot of nice words for me, thanking me for being an inspiration to her among other things...almost made me cry...or that could have been the 4 or 5 beers (or more?  lost count) making me emotional.

But along with the nice stuff comes the darker side.  And believe me, there is quite a bit of it.  I feel that 2009 is going to be remembered for what I *didn't* do rather than what I did.  Yeah, I took down way-overdue 5K and 5-mile PRs and ran a 1:37 half, but in this marathon-obsessed world, no one is gonna remember that, all that's going to be remembered is the marathon I didn't finish.  And hearing other NYCM reports where people stuck it out and didn't quit...I still really feel like a loser for DNFing my marathon.  Are there any circumstances where dropping out is OK?  And thinking about the Boston trip that I can't take, the fun weekend with special peeps that I was envisioning and looking forward to won't be happening, once again I will be spending that weekend drowning my sorrows in "I'm not running the Boston Marathon" drinks.  It didn't have to be that way, all I had to do was qualify and I couldn't do it.  This is one time where I curse being a young'un...if only I were 35, my 3:44 in NYCM 2008 would have gotten me there!!

I guess in a nutshell-one week later, I've still not come to terms with what happened on October 25th.  I'm still struggling with it.  I don't have closure.  And I don't know how long it's going to take to get over...man, this may even take longer to get over than an ex-boyfriend!!  And even when I do...I think what else is bugging me is that I'm feeling a bit lost again.  This is a time where I really wish I had a coach because I really need help analyzing what went wrong.   Because I really felt like I was doing everything right-the increased mileage actually felt good, I didn't race my training runs, "hard days hard, easy runs easy", I made sure to get in at least one XT day a week-kinda using my 2008 training as a guide as that went really well.   And I guess I need to know how to prevent it from happening again, and even just want help with a game plan for building back up.  Thoughts...?

And even yesterday's race had those ups and downs...the thrill of victory to the agony of de-feet ;-)...from Meb's amazing victory, putting an American on top of the podium for the first time in god knows how long...to Paula's attempt at 3-peat dashed in the late miles.  From PR's and perfect races...to those where the end result may not have been what they hoped it would be, but still gave it their all and should be proud-I know I am!!  And it's crazy how much me, as a spectator, teammate and friend feels invested in other people's results...there was one that I was literally heartbroken to see that I almost cried when I saw it (though still an amazing time!!)  I guess because I know that feels all too well...when we know what we trained for and that we *can* run that time and something out of our control derails it...as we all know, the numbers don't always tell the story.

OK I think that is enough emotion for one post.  Too much?  Maybe.  But as with my race report, I find writing about this is cathartic in a way (thanks LG!)...a place to channel my thoughts or something like that.  So if you are still reading, thank you :)

Signing off for now with again congrats to the NYCMers...hope those post-race drinks are flowing very well right now!!  And can't forget-GO YANKS!!!  Will tonite lock up #27....?

just a quickie

get your minds all outta the gutter...hehe.

but seriously, just a quickie post to say thanks to everyone for the comments on my last 2 posts...I have more to say (not a surprise) but not now. Cuz well, it's not my time, it's their day now.

Good luck, NYCMers!!! I'll be at mile 18 waiting to throw PowerGel at you all :)

the dust settles

Three days later...and I am still trying to process it all.  So many "what ifs" and "whys."  In a way, I sorta feel like Carrie did in the Sex and the City movie after Big jilted her at the altar-though I was able to face the world a little sooner (guess there's nothing that friends and beer can't fix-thanks, AG ;-) )

But just so much going over everything in my head, my mind has been on overload.  Playing the events of Sunday over and over and just wondering what I could have done differently, if anything, or would the ending have been the same every time?  Should I not have started the race?  Maybe...but I still felt I owed it to myself to give it a try...the doctor gave me the green light, I was doing my PT "homework" diligently...just wasn't enough I guess.

And I know this sounds dumb-but I am not even sure what to do with the race shirt.  What's the etiquette on wearing a shirt from a race that you didn't finish?  It's really too nice a shirt to ditch.  FWIW, it wasn't a "finisher" shirt-but a "competitor" shirt.  But people assumed you finished when you wear the shirt, no matter what...

Now for the "Now what?"  Immediate plan is recovery, PT and cross-training-I can do yoga without buggering the sh(IT) band, and the physical therapist gave me the green light to do spinning classes and elliptical.  So may not kill me to do that for a month, that was what I did when I had my calf injury last year.  I am getting a second opinion on the knee next week, so any future racing plans will be up in the air til I get that second opinion...

Yeah, racing plans.  I do intend to run another marathon-I feel like I have unfinished business with the distance.  And is it me, or are the odd years just not good for me when it comes to marathoning?  2005 I had plantar fasciitis and had to defer, 2007 I had my work hell and was just too out of shape and really couldn't train...and you know how 2009 went :)  So yeah, I will try again, the question is when?  I thought the best bet would be to wait til next fall.  I'd love to run NYC again, but I don't have 9 races and being a local, my chances with the lottery are slim to none.  I'm 36 seconds off from a half-marathon qualifying time so I can hope that maybe they'll relax the standards by a minute, don't think I can bust out a 1:37 or better in the near future.  And as I said before, considering I am all recovered by then, I'm strongly considering Chicago. 

But there are others who are telling me I should just try again in the next month or two if I really want to get to Boston for 2010.  And I'm just unsure about that, what if the same thing happens again?  Or am I just an unusually slow recover-er?  Thoughts?

More to come I'm sure...and in the meantime, GO YANKEES!!  Tonight begins the quest for #27.  And bring on the booze too :)

MCM=DNF

I don't even know where to start with this.  This is probably the toughest race report to write.  Ever.  A day that started off so well and should have ended at the finish line with a BQ instead ended around 20.6 miles in.  And even now, I'm not sure if I did the right thing by calling it quits...

Well as you all know, I had the intention of shooting for a BQ at the Marine Corps Marathon.  And based on how training was going, that goal seemed very doable.  The race results seemed to back that up as well-setting 5K and 5-mile PRs (which were long, long overdue) and throwing down a 1:37:36 at the Philly Distance Run.  I was able to nail some MP miles at the end of a (humid!) 20-mile run.  Everything pretty much seemed on track.  Then IT band issues hit around the taper.  The sports doc did still give me the green light to run the marathon tho, as long as I got some PT to address the immediate issues-which I did.  I was still confident things would go well on Sunday.

So let's fast forward to this past weekend.  Friday afternoon, I took Amtrak down to DC-nice and easy and stress-free and I just played with the CrackBerry the entire ride :-P  Made it to Union Station with no problems and got a taxi to my hotel in Crystal City.  Later met up with Flyer MF (who was rooming with me) in Georgetown to grab a bite to eat with her and a couple of her DC friends, then went back to the hotel for some much needed beauty sleep...

Expo day on Saturday!!  The expo was very nice-actually bigger than NYC's!  The official race shirt was a light blue mock-turtleneck long-sleeve (nice, my favorite color!)   Walked around the expo and yes I did do a bit of damage to the credit card :)  Picked up a pair of those "recovery" compression socks, another running top and was able to find the "Will Run For Wine" shirt in my size :)  When we felt we did enough shopping, we hit up Starbucks to just chill out and get off our feet for a while and wait out the heavy downpours (thank god race day was not Saturday!) before heading back to the hotel, when not too much longer later, it was time to head out for some carbo-loading!!  Met up with Uptown Girl and her parentals at Faccia Luna in Arlington (great place!)  MF's friends were also there and it was a nice time.  Me, MF and Uptown Girl then discussed the game plan for the next morning...the whens and wheres to meet, etc...then time to try on the race-day gear and get everything ready...and early to bed!!  And one more thing-I had asked for friends and family to "sign up" for certain miles to be "theirs"...I wrote them all on the back of my bib, I wanted them all close to me on race day :)

Sunday-race day!!  MF and I were able to get dressed and get everything together in an hour...I had my usual bagel w/ white chocolate PB...we then met up with Uptown Girl at her hotel so the 3 of us could walk to the shuttle bus to get to the start line (and along the way, I got my Starbucks!  Another race-day necessity!)  We then got on the shuttle bus...those Marines kept things well-organized!!  I was gonna listen to my "marathon morning" playlist during the ride, little did I know I had left the iPod in the room...oops!!  But I may not have had much time to listen to music, before we knew it we were at the "Runners Village."  Seemed like a less chaotic version of NYCM!!  Checked our bags, did other pre-race prep, chilled out in one of the tents for a little bit...and oh yeah, there was the announcement that these were the "best conditions in the history of the race!"  Low 50s and sunny...one of those days where it was like "no excuses."

So it was time to head to the start...and as well organized as other aspects of this race were, I do have to say the start was NOT.  You don't do the "honor system" with a field of 40,000...you just don't!!  Uptown Girl and I were lined up "honestly" by the 3:40 predicted time group and we saw peeps around us and in front of us who had no business being there.  Maybe it would be a good thing since we wouldn't go out to fast?  We shall see.  Before we knew it...the marine aircraft flyover and the sound of the start cannon!!  And around 3 minutes later, with the sound of "Evacuate The Dancefloor" by Cascada blaring over the loudspeakers, I crossed under the red arch marking the start.  Here we go!!  Let's make this thing happen...

First 5K (25:43-8:16 pace)
Mile 1-8:36, Mile 2-8:38, Mile 3-8:05
Well as it turned out, lining up "honestly" may have screwed me, as I really spent a good part of the first 2 miles through the streets of Rosslyn, VA trying to find my groove-was just way, way too crowded and even though I tried to keep the weaving to the minimum, I'm sure I lost 15 seconds per mile, if not more on those first 2 miles.  Or it also coulda been the hills too!!  These first coupla miles were fun and the support was great, but oh boy were they hilly.  The 3rd mile had a nice downhill to even things out a little tho :)  Think the 5K split was a little short-20 secs after mile 3?

10K (50:52-8:11 pace, 5K split 25:09-8:06 pace)
Mile 4-7:50, Mile 5-8:01, Mile 6-7:59
So finally around mile 4 (and another downhill!) the field opened up a little and I found my groove.  We crossed over the Key Bridge and headed into Georgetown!!  Saw a sneak preview of the streets that we'd have to look forward to in a few miles, but for now enjoyed the scenery around the reservoir.

15K (1:15:55-8:08 pace, 5K split 25:03-8:04 pace)
Mile 7-8:20, Mile 8-7:53, Mile 9-7:56
By the end of this portion, we headed into the town of Georgetown and it was as lively as I hoped it would be!!  We passed by the restaurant we had eaten on Friday nite and I kinda laughed to myself there.  This portion sorta reminded me of Greenpoint in NYCM, which I liked a lot!!  We then turned south to head towards the water...

20K (1:41:01-8:07 pace, 5K split 25:06-8:05 pace)
Mile 10-7:53, Mile 11-8:11, Mile 12-8:06
And at this point, I was really feeling good.  I knew I was doing this, this was my day.  In mile 10, someone on the Greater New York running team said "Go New York Flyers!" I said "go New York!" back...I heard another "Go NY Flyers!" from the sidelines...think it was a coupla Urban Athletics peeps that were cheering?  I shouted back thanks...was nice being far away from home, but still having the NY race feeling.  Mile 12 brought the beginning of Hains Point-which was where I went through my mental bonk in the Cherry Blossom race...wasn't gonna have that today though!!!  And even though I didn't realize it at the time, I was pacing really well.  I passed the 3:40 pace group somewhere around here too...didn't know if they were way ahead of pace, or if they just started closer to the front, but at least I knew I was on track!!

25K (2:06:45-8:09 pace, 5K split 25:44-8:17 pace)
Mile 13-8:04, Mile 14-8:15, Mile 15-8:26
The half-marathon point was just past the turnaround on Hains Point.  Hit that at 1:46:33 and thought perfect-on pace for close to 3:33 flat!  Even if I lost a couple minutes in the 2nd half, I could still bust out a 3:35, which was kinda around what I was expecting.  But I had heard that MCM was a good negative split course, so hoping for better...
But mile 14 was where things started to go downhill-and I'm not talking elevation.  We were running into headwinds here and it was slowin' it down.  Wasn't sure if I wanted to expend too much energy fighting it-knowing I still got awhiles to go-so I decided to just try and "cruise" to the 20 mile point, and then "go for it" in the last 10K.  I could average 8:45s or better in the 2nd half and still BQ, but I did want to finish strong too.

30K (2:35:17-8:20 pace, 5K split 28:32-9:11 pace)
Mile 16-8:29, Mile 17-8:46, Mile 18-9:21, Mile 19-9:35
We left Hains Point and headed to the part of the course with all the monuments, the National Mall, etc...which was the part that I was looking forward to previously, but I wasn't feeling it now.  Things did not feel right.  I don't know if I had taken the first half too fast, or if it was the IT band talking to me, but I was starting to show the signs of trouble.  Uptown Girl passed by me in I think mile 17 and I could tell she was well on her way to a great finish.  The 3:40 group passed by me here too...this part was filled with spectators shouting my name but it could have been silent as it made no difference.  Mile 18 I had to do the one thing I have never, ever done in a marathon before and take a walk break.  Which was repeated in Mile 19.  Now it was starting to be a race against the clock.  But I didn't want to leave DC without my BQ!

Mile 20-9:28
No walking in Mile 20-I ran the full mile but saw my mile split and knew I was in further trouble.  Did some quick math and saw I'd have to run the last 10K in 52 and change to still BQ...can I do it?  Can I at least hold on for a PR?  Or finish under 4 hours?

Mile 20.65(?)-13:05
This was the infamous 14th Street Bridge that all runners must pass (well actually, the mile 20 marker) by 1:15 or they can't finish-or as the MCM calls it, "Beat the Bridge."  And sadly this day, the bridge beat me.

I started walking for the 3rd time and just felt pain.  I couldn't run again.  Every time I started I had to slow down to a walk.  My BQ was gone and it was all I could do to not cry at this point.  A couple of other runners who passed by said "I feel your pain"...oh if you only knew.  Another runner who was forced to slow to a walk too kept me company for a few minutes, we were both in the same boat.  Finally I passed by one of those one of those golf cart-looking thingies with medical personnel on board, and they asked if I was ok, if I needed help, did I need a ride to the med tent?  So here I had to make a critical decision.  Do I continue on walking for another 5 and change miles?  Was it worth it?  Should I cut my losses now?

I preface this by saying-I'm not a quitter.  If it's worth fighting to salvage something, I'd hang in there.  But I made the decision-take the ride to the med tent and call it a day at around mile 20.65.  At the time-I didn't know what I had to prove by prolonging the agony.  And what's to say the same thing, or something worse, wouldn't happen another 2-3 miles later?  So I rested, iced, had some salty snacks and Gatorade (Powerade which was on the course absolutely sucked-not as much electrolytes as Gatorade does and I think may have caused more unnecessary cramping)...thankfully was able to borrow a CrackBerry from one of the medics so I could update Facebook and let everyone know I was alive but had to call it a day, since I am sure my peeps who were tracking me were wondering-and as I was told later, my intuition was right.  (And FYI-that 35K split for me was completely bogus, as they drove over the mat while I still had the D-tag on.)

So after awhile, and some stretching and wrapping of my knee, I had 2 options-wait for the sweep bus which would be another hour or walk the 2 miles to the finish to get my bag with my CrackBerry and everything else in it.  (If only I had money on me I would have taken the Metro...note for next time...)  So armed with one of those mylar sheets to keep me warm, I decided to walk it.  And let me tell you-this was so tough-not so much physically, but emotionally.  I was walking alongside the course with the back-of-the-packers, they are giving their all to finish but I couldn't do it?  Plus the Marines, the spectators telling me "You're almost finished"...oh I've *been* finished!!!

Nearing the finish, saw the crazy steep uphill to the finish line at the Iwo Jima Memorial and it felt bittersweet...in a way I was glad I didn't have to climb that hill but in a way I really wanted to.  I just got out of the way of the real finishers and headed towards the baggage trucks to get my bag and check my phone and sure enough I had a shitload of messages...voicemail, text, facebook, IM-and those of you who knew then there was something wrong and reached out-thank you.  Waited what felt like forever for the shuttle to get back to Crystal City...finally there and walking to the hotel...oh and hearing the "congrats" from those who saw me carrying my MCM bag and assuming I finished...yeah.  Could not have been happier to get back to my hotel room, get cleaned up and erase any evidence that I failed to run a marathon that day, and drown all sorrows with a burger, 2 pints of beer and the Yankee game (hey, at least someone won that day!)

Even now, yesterday still feels like a bad dream.  And after reading other MCM race reports from runners who stuck it out no matter what and didn't give up, I am still questionning whether I made the right decision.  Was I a quitter?  I don't know-I do sorta feel like one.  And I know the focus needs to be on healing up and getting healthy again...and yeah, as was shown last year, there is still life after injury.  But I won't lie, this is going to be a tough one to get over.  I really thought it was finally gonna be my time to get the elusive BQ, and with seemingly more and more of my friends qualifying each year...this April is gonna be tougher than normal, cuz I should have been there.

But that said, I am NEVER going back to DC to run a race again!!  2-for-2 when it comes to bad races is a sign.  Maybe Chi-town next fall?  (though I shouldn't even think of running another marathon right now!)

One final note-another thanks to everyone who reached out to me via comments, emails, calls, texts, IMs, etc...the support was tremendous and much appreciated.