same script, different cast

So probably the most strenous workout I got this long weekend was dodging the masses at Penn Station on Thursday morning-I had never seen it be such a zoo!!  I couldn't even buy my train ticket, the lines were so long-thankfully they weren't checking on the train out of Penn and I was able to get my tix in Secaucus :)  But made it to NJ and ate more than I had any right to with my limited running these days :-P  Oh yeah, and I guess I was able to work some of that off by braving the holiday shopping crowds-made sure to pick up plenty of lumps of coal for those who deserve it :-P

And ok...guess I was able to do a little running.  30 minutes on the dreadmill on Friday, actually felt fine...almost like I didn't even have a (sh)IT band.  And ran the rez last nite, but the (sh)IT band was talking to me by the end of the run.  Wasn't screaming, but wasn't being quiet either.

So saw sports doc #1 today and told him the whole MCM chronicles, the deal with PT, etc.  Did a little more examination and noted there is still a little something going on at the knee, examined my gait...so long story short-plan of action right now is new orthotics (which may set me back but like I said, it's an investment in my running future-orthotics are essential for me, they saved my running life!  and hey, my parents wanted to know what I want for Hanukkah :-P ) since the ones I currently have are pretty old, and may not control the pronation in my right leg enough (which is part of whats buggering the (sh)IT band)  And got another prescription for PT...so basically "same script, different cast" refers to that, as now I can switch physical therapists!!  (And when I told the doc where I was going for PT, he did say that they weren't particularly known to really know runners.  Oh if only I knew it before...)

So unlike my appointment with the other doctor-I at least walked out knowing that there is a plan of action.  And actually, the topic of a cortizone shot did come up but I said only as a last resort (remembering when I got one for plantar fasciitis, and it didn't work and only made that injury worse!)  The doc commented that it was very unlike most runners, as they just want to get healed and get back on the roads right away.  (Well hasn't it been established that I'm not like most runners? :-P )  But what I said was at this point-the marathon is over and long gone, and at this point I'm not really looking for a quick fix as much as a long-term game plan so I can kick this thing for good!!  After all, I do want to try again for 26.2 next fall...and me and a coupla teammates are already discussing a certain one ;-)

coulda woulda shoulda

Well to start this off on a positive note-I ran a whopping 7 miles last week.  I used to be able to run that distance on one given day, but who's counting.  Part of that included 2 loops of the reservoir which surprisingly weren't as slow as I thought they would be-and I wasn't pushing the pace, it felt comfortable.  The heart rate was a little bit elevated though, which pretty much illustrates how out of shape I am.  The (sh)IT band didn't feel too too bad afterwards...could tell something was still there, but thankfully no pain...of course I made sure to stretch well before/after and ice it down afterwards.  So maybe this distance (not every day of course) I should stick with for now.  But I still feel it's gonna be a long, lonely road ahead...since seemingly everyone and their mother is training for a spring marathon.  But as I said before, at this point I'm just biding my time til November 30th.  In the meantime, you can bet that when I go home to NJ for the holiday weekend, I will be bringing my quadballer, stretching rope and ice pack with me...

So this past weekend, a bunch of my teammates went to Philly to run either the marathon or the half, and as far as I know, all of them ran really well...lotsa PRs or close to it-congrats!  (yeah that includes some fellow bloggers, I'll let them tell their stories and won't spoil it ;-) )  And of course, it had me playing the "coulda shoulda woulda" game.  Because as you may remember, when I was trying to choose my fall marathon, Philly was #2 on my list.  Should I have gone with that instead of Marine Corps-knowing that I have run well in Philly for the half and 10-mile distances before?  Maybe I would have had more time for the (sh)IT band to heal or maybe the circumstances would be different where I would not have gotten injured?  Either way-I wasn't getting to Boston in 2010, it just wasn't in the cards.  But I really don't want to end my 2009 racing year on a bad note-I really don't want my last memory of racing in 2009 to be walking on the 14th Street Bridge in pain.  Even if I recovered in time to do a short race in late December...I don't think there even are any!  (on a side note, I'm bummed to be missing the Kleinerman 10K-I have done that race every single year since I started running!!  Oh well, guess there's still the Mini 10K...which also falls into that category.)

And yeah, short...or shorter...races.  I have wondered what my future as a marathoner is, as this is the 2nd time I have been injured during a training cycle (yeah, I had my plantar fasciitis before I started training for NYCM 2005 which I didn't run anyway...but I guess that still counts.)   Do I really want to be on the DL constantly...no.  I do feel the half-marathon is actually my strongest distance, and I wonder what that 1:37 in the PDR could have been had I really tapered, if my training was more geared towards the half-marathon distance.  Providing I kick this (sh)IT band thing in time (knock on wood) I am targetting a half in early May to hopefully find that out.  But I don't feel like I'd be content sticking with the half...I feel the half-marathon distance does not get the respect it deserves.  From comments that marathoners are "real runners" as opposed to ones who opt for the half (ahem, Lam) to others that the marathon is the "gold standard" and that training for a half-marathon is "not a lot of work."  There's training schedules and tips up the wazoo for running the marathon, but not much out there for a half-marathon (yeah, i've been trying to do my research.)  Hell while I'm at it, as I mentioned in this post last year-I feel there are a lot of distances that don't get enough respect.  I'm just as impressed (hypothetically speaking, of course) with the person who had been working hard to break 18 minutes for 5K and finally did it...as I am with the person who had been working hard to break 4 hours in the marathon and finally did it ;-)  It's the journey, not the destination...or something like that.  (And before anyone says it, yes that thinking can be and I guess should be applied to my training for MCM too :-P )  Or a Flyer memory that stands out in my mind was a coupla years back when we had a track meet at Chelsea Piers, and one of our girls was dying to run the mile and see how fast she can run it.  And run it well she did, came in under 9 minutes, exceeded her goals and was absolutely thrilled.  Don't know why, but her reaction to racing the mile really sticks with me.

And what if, for whatever reason, someone *can't* run long distances because their bodies don't let them (e.g., being too injury-prone).  Does that mean that their goal distances should not be respected because they have no choice but to race short distances?  Or those who need extra recovery time from the marathon distance and can't run another marathon a week or 2 later...or heck, can't even run a half a week or 2 later.  I think I fall into that category-I feel compared to my other teammates, I am unusually slow when it comes to recovery...last year I didn't race til a month after NYCM and it was relatively short (10K), and I felt that-the race distance and the recovery period-was perfect.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this.  But I guess...can we not treat the half-marathon like it's the marathon's poor stepbrother/stepsister?  (and same with the mile, 5k, 10k, etc...whatever else I missed!)  I've done the marathon, I have no desire to one-up that and go any further in terms of distance...and like I said, sometimes I wonder what could be if I moved down in distance and concentrated on that.  Which maybe I will do...once I get this damn BQ monkey off my back!! :(|)  (which is a whole other story in itself...)

the next move is yours

Maybe "the next step is yours" or "the next run is yours" would have been more appropriate but I just felt like using another episode title from The Hills.  I just love how K-Cav got asked on last nite's epsiode why she doesn't go after any guys besides Brody and Justin Bobby.  Uh...maybe because they are seemingly the only 2 single guys in LA?  And Heidi and Spencer seriously deserve the title of "Dumb and Dumber"...yeah brilliant plan Heidi-Ho, to "surprise" Spencer by going off the pill and trying to get pregnant to spite him.  They truly deserve each other.  And after last nite's episode of The City I feel like I need to slap some sense into Whitney, didn't she learn her lesson in Miami that hanging with Roxy is career suicide?  And am I the only one who's on Team Erin and thinks someone needs to put Olivia in her place?  And as for the third show on Triple Tuesday, reality-style, Dancing With the Stars...Joanna and Derek (not Jeter or Rose, hehe) wuz robbed!!  Alright, enough reality TV talk for now...

So the recovery progresses.  3 days in a row of yoga and weights...maybe make it 4 tomorrow?  Leg presses, leg curls and the hip adductor (sp?) machine have become a regular part of the routine.  Doing my PT homework daily.  Hope this will all pay off in the long run (ha ha).  And oh yeah-I actually did 15 minutes on the dreadmill on Monday!  This is where I get annoyed at my physical therapist.  So I see her Monday morning and she asks me if doing spinning has still aggrevated the knee...uh you told me not to do it!  I said I wouldn't try spinning or running until given the OK...I'm trying to be a good little girl here!  And I actually got the OK to try to "run a few miles" but of course I know better than to do a few miles now.  But I really wanted to see where I was at in terms of recovery, so i figure the dreadmill was safe, in case I needed to stop before 15 minutes were up.  And thankfully I didn't...there was some improvement, but not really 100%...still don't feel like I'm out of the woods just yet.  But no lingering pain yesterday or today.  So if 15 minutes every coupla days is what's gonna keep my sanity during this recovery period...I'll take it.

But really, right now I'm kinda biding my time til November 30th, when I have my follow up appointment with doctor #1 and if he gives me another prescription for more PT, I do intend to switch.  It's just really frustrating to not really feel like I have a game plan for recovery and for building back up...this is why I'd prefer to see one who is more familiar with runners.  But this is nothing that I haven't already talked about before!  So we wait...

the race to register

I know this is old news by now since it's been over the place (of course, since this is, like, the only race that matters, seemingly) but registration for Boston 2010 closed out on Friday-in record time!!  From what i hear, 2 months earlier than last year, and even that is early?  I just feel bad for those who were gonna give qualifying a shot in Philly or Vegas or somewhere else in November, December or even January!!

I see a couple of things happening because of this...first off, next year all the September/October marathons are gonna fill up quick (anyone want to bet that Chicago sells out in record time too?)...November races like Philly just may take a hit because of this.

The other thing-which I am really hoping does not happen but I have a sinking feeling it will-is that the qualifying standards are gonna be made stricter for 2011.  All this busting my butt to try and run a 3:40, and then possibly that may not even be good enough.  And if the standards are gonna be tightened, by how much?  Maybe I can sneak in a 3:35 (and 59 friggin seconds if I need it!).  But 3:30?  No way.  But then again, there is the consolation that I move up an age group in 2012...hopefully the 5 extra minutes won't get taken away!!  I'd prefer to run the under-35 qualifying time, whatever it winds up being, but I may have to take what I can get.  And why do I care so much...eh maybe stuff I was thinking about in this past blog post is part of it...

Changing the topic, I just wanted to point you all to a very funny blog post about a cheater/bandit in NYCM who was caught-thanks Yan for the heads up!!  This should be filed under "What NOT to do when trying to bandit a major marathon." :)

"on to the next"

And this latest post title has been brought to you by the latest episode of The Hills.  Is it me, or has this episode finally brought back the show we all hate to love, or love to hate?  How staged was K-Cav and Jayde's catfight...I know there is only one club in LA and of course they will run into each other, especially when Kristin is with Brody, but still!  And I thought Audrina and Lo would "never be friends"...and now they are BFF's?  And WHY, for the good of all humankind, could Spencer have just gone through with getting neutered??? :)

I guess that title is just appropriate for lots going on lately.  Of course, the running stuff, but I'll get to that later.  Earlier this week, I had to let go of a wonderful guy who has been very near and dear to me for the last few months-well this was kind of a mutual "letting go."  (And he has never gotten a blog mention before...well at least not in the context of dating, so you know I was really into him and that it was going well! ;-) )  My heart said "stay" but my head knew what was the right thing to do, if we wanted to salvage any kind of a friendship...which I am optimistic about.  But it's tough all the same-we really shared a lot...between running and outside of running.  He'd be the first person I'd call/text when something good happened...or even when something bad happened and I needed consoling, or just someone to talk to.  Don't get me wrong, I wasn't overdependent, but there is that comfort in knowing someone is there.  Luckily, it did end on a good note and we are still speaking and not arguing...so I am hopeful! :)  So in this case "on to the next" is not so much the next guy, but more the next phase of our relationship...never know where it can take me/us.  And some of you...and you know who you are ;-) ...this does not give you free reign to immediately fix me up with your coworker/cousin/neighbor/random acquaintance/doorman/etc. ;-)  Just need time right now...and as Natasha Bedingfield says in her song "Single"-I can't "romance on demand!"  (On that topic, has anyone ever checked out the lyrics to that song, and then to Natasha's song "Soulmate"?  Talk about one singer having opposing points of view!  The latter is a beautiful song, but I swear I can't listen to it without getting teary-eyed!)

And as for the running thing, I swear I really am trying to move "on to the next" as well!  Whatever that may be.  As I said in my previous post-I do have 2 races next year that I am tentatively penciling in as goal races (yes, one is a marathon but it won't be til the fall though.)  Little hesitant to post what they are now, so wait and see.  I have my follow-up appointment with doctor #1 at the end of this month, so I'll see if there is any positive progress made.  One thing I do want to explore, which was mentioned before, is new orthotics...my current ones are 5 years old and I wouldn't be surprised if that was one of the culprits.  Unfortunately, I have different medical insurance now and I don't believe they will be covered, so it would be pricier this time around...but if it's something that will save my running future (and my previous ones did!) it's a worthwhile investment...especially stretched out over a few years.

And keeping with "on to the next"...I'm thinking I might like to switch physical therapists too.  My current one is nice, don't get me wrong, but...I'm feeling like there should be more progress by now, and I'd love to find one who is more familiar with runners.  I don't know if I can do that without another prescription for PT from the doctor, but if is indeed what he prescribes, that may be the way to go.  So NYC-area runners-if you have any recommendations for me, I'd be very grateful to hear them!!  Only prerequisite is that they must take insurance :)

So there you have it-I am honestly dwelling less on the past and trying to look ahead.  But I do still feel I need a little help getting there...more with game plans than anything else!!

i don't wanna cry

This post title has been brought to you by some old-school Mariah Carey.  Yeah, the days of the "Best New Artist" Grammy, the days when she was banging Tommy Mottola...before she graduated to the likes of Derek Jeter (though doesnt he, to this day still deny it?) and Puff Daddy/Puffy/P. Diddy/whatever his name at the moment is...and of course, way, way before the career mistake known as "Glitter."

Moving away from that for a second-no you're not seeing things, the bloggy did get an Extreme Makeover over the weekend.  Yes since I'm not running, I have too much time on my hands, I know I know.  But also, my old-school template wouldn't let me take advantage of any of the newer, cooler Blogger features & gadgets...and I guess after 3 years, was time for a change!!  Don't like it?  Tough luck.  I'm keeping it.

So back to the title and what it has to do with everything?  Well the fact that I haven't run a step since October 25th has something to do with it.  And if it were the winter OK maybe it wouldnt be so bad, but the fact that NYC has had 2 beautiful weather days in a row and I haven't been able to enjoy it, have had to take it indoors.  And as I said before, I don't mind cross-training too much, but I really have to enjoy it, and that took a hit when spinning was banned as the (sh)IT band didn't seem to like it too much.  Yoga is fine and good, but the elliptical is just boring.  45 minutes on it yesterday and it felt like work!!  I really can't believe how out of shape I've gotten in 2 weeks...not good :(

But it's just I have had other things in my life lately that have either brought me to tears, or close to it...matters of the heart (i may be biased, but I don't think I know anybody more unlucky in love than myself)...changes a-coming at the office (i will still have a job, but...things are happening where communication is shit, no real game plans in place except just "winging it", attitudes flying, the wrong people IMHO being on the receiving end of it...long story, aint going into it here)  Yeah, I know having a coupla grain alcohol margaritas at a cool Murray Hill Mexican establishment with a cool friend can help ;-) but I've learned after my infamous 9-day drinking streak that it's (drinking, that is-not girl talk!) just a temporary escape.  I miss being able to lace up the Brooks or Asics and being able to hit Central Park for a few miles, listen to some cool music on the iPod, seeing everyone I know or not seeing anyone, but just being able to forget my troubles for a little bit...sans hangover :)  And I think it's really getting me down, cross-training doesn't seem to be cutting it in that department.

Or I've read other blog posts about post-marathon depression...I think I dealt with it back in 2006...going from a high of a great first marathon back to reality which was a total mess.  Last year I don't think I dealt with it but it does seem to be making a return appearance this year-and I didn't even finish my marathon!  I'll reiterate what I said in my previous post-I have finally come to terms with the events of October 25th-for whatever reason that I can't comprehend just yet, it wasn't meant to be.  But I want to look ahead, I do have a couple of races in mind for next year, but I just need this damn (sh)IT band to heal-not just for that, but for my overall sanity as well...

Well as the post title says, I don't wanna cry, I want to be tough, I want to be strong, but sometimes there is only so much I can take.  And before anyone says it, I am aware things can be a lot worse.  But I just want to see that light at the end of the injury tunnel and all I see is dimness and uncertainity.  I don't know what these next few weeks are gonna bring.  But I do hope that my next post title can sing a happier tune.

second opinions suck

So where did I leave off...oh yeah...streak of drinking 9 nights in a row...not proud of.  Said streak stopped at 9 as I decided to give myself the night off on Tuesday, but was started back up again Wednesday between my company's "Oktoberfest" celebration and heading out to a UWS bar literally within stumbling distance-not that I needed to stumble-to watch Game 6 of the World Series with Flyers YP and AH.  However, I was actually home sweet home when the actual winning moment happened-though on the phone with a certain special Yankee fan to sorta "celebrate" together ;-)  And anyway, this latest drinking streak only lasted a day.  And no, I didn't go to the parade downtown...way too much stuff to do here (i know, i know, why am I blogging then?) plus I had a feeling it would just be chaotic.  Case in point-when taking the 3 train to work this AM, a bunch of chicks dressed in Yankee gear were "pre-gaming" on the subway, drinking beer out of those clear plastic cups that you get iced coffee in...come on, how stupid can you be?  If you're gonna drink from plastic cups, make sure they are not see through!!  I've had wine in Central Park enough times to know the drill ;-)

So in effort to keep things sorta on topic, maybe I should explain the title.  I went to a different doctor yesterday to get a second opinion as to what was going on.  And in less than 5 minutes, was diagnosed as "classic (sh)IT band syndrome."  Though it was good to hear the truth, I really didn't feel like I was leaving with a real plan of action.  Yeah, I know its an overuse injury, yeah I know "our bodies are not meant to run 26 miles."  Tell me something I don't know.  I know it sounds crazy, but I had X-rays done and nothing was broken...I almost wish that was what it was-at least you know bones do heal in due time.  This thing...not so much!!  (Same deal when I had plantar fasciitis a few years back).  So I was sent home with a prescription for prescription-strength Motrin and advice to keep with the PT.

And I had been...doing the exercises daily, and even being able to add more weight/resistance to some of them.  Icing, rolling the shit out of the (sh)IT band, etc.  But the problem was I really didn't know where I was at...I didn't know how I was progressing in terms of recovery.  Well the fact that a spinning class the other nite caused the knee to act up again told me not too well :(  So I can't do that-which I was really, really depending on to help keep my sanity in terms of this downtime-pretty much just relegated to elliptical, yoga and weights.  Which I guess is OK and well, but what I'm more concerned with is that really does not have the same calorie-burning effect that a 40-mile week of running does and I'm really worried about putting on weight during this downtime.  I'm sorry, I don't like myself when I'm too fat...I just don't!!  (especially when I have a dress for the Flyers awards gala I need to still be able to fit into in less than 3 months)  Plus with the holidays coming up and feeling like I have to avoid everything...not thrilled about that.

But enough of that-I guess now that I'm finally over what happened on October 25th-I feel like I have no direction in terms of getting better.  Doctor #1 says its more a hip flexor problem than an ITB problem.  Doctor #2 says its strictly the ITB.  The PT says I need to be targeting both in terms of recovery.  I don't know *what* to believe!  How do I kick this thing?   Is there anything more that I can be doing that I'm not doing?

i've had a little bit too much

Red wine?  Not so much, I only consumed that on Thursday nite at the Flyers pasta party.  Nope, my current still-hungover state was caused by quite a few pints of Blue Moon and Sam Adams Cherry Wheat last nite at the NYF post-marathon party...oh and barely eating anything yesterday too.  Talk about a liquid diet.  So yeah, I have a streak of 8 consecutive nights of alcohol consumption since last Sunday, and will go for a 9th tonite.  But you see, it's not like I'm proud of this or anything, not to mention that I'd gladly give up alcohol if it meant that I could have a healthy right IT band.  I'm dead serious.

So the emotional rollercoaster just has not seemed to let up over the past week.  First off, thanks to all who commented on my last few posts...some made me smile, some made me almost cry again, some made me go "hmmmm", etc.  I am very grateful to my teammates and other friends for the support they have given me over the last few days...at the pasta party, yesterday at the PowerGel station, at the post-party, the NYCM expo, nights out.  Whether it be hugs, consoling words, words of wisdom, retail therapy, tiara therapy, liquor therapy, baseball/World Series therapy.  (And of course there are one or 2 who will remain nameless who need to just leave me alone and let me make my own decisions in due time ;-) )  I thought all the NYF marathon events would be tough on me but they really weren't.  The pasta party was great food as usual...and we even had Brian Sell as a guest speaker!!  How cool is that? :)  The PowerGel station was a good time watching the big dance, seeing teammates and other friends go by, seeing the elites, getting email updates with 5K splits on my CrackBerry, giving out gels (I'm telling you, those things were getting snatched up faster than beers at an open bar!) laughing and singing and dancing and being silly.  And of course the post-party...where let me say I'm glad I took a vacation day today, otherwise I'd be in a world of hurt.  My teammate JF who ran some long runs with me during training...anyway, yesterday she ran her first marathon and broke 4 hours and had a lot of nice words for me, thanking me for being an inspiration to her among other things...almost made me cry...or that could have been the 4 or 5 beers (or more?  lost count) making me emotional.

But along with the nice stuff comes the darker side.  And believe me, there is quite a bit of it.  I feel that 2009 is going to be remembered for what I *didn't* do rather than what I did.  Yeah, I took down way-overdue 5K and 5-mile PRs and ran a 1:37 half, but in this marathon-obsessed world, no one is gonna remember that, all that's going to be remembered is the marathon I didn't finish.  And hearing other NYCM reports where people stuck it out and didn't quit...I still really feel like a loser for DNFing my marathon.  Are there any circumstances where dropping out is OK?  And thinking about the Boston trip that I can't take, the fun weekend with special peeps that I was envisioning and looking forward to won't be happening, once again I will be spending that weekend drowning my sorrows in "I'm not running the Boston Marathon" drinks.  It didn't have to be that way, all I had to do was qualify and I couldn't do it.  This is one time where I curse being a young'un...if only I were 35, my 3:44 in NYCM 2008 would have gotten me there!!

I guess in a nutshell-one week later, I've still not come to terms with what happened on October 25th.  I'm still struggling with it.  I don't have closure.  And I don't know how long it's going to take to get over...man, this may even take longer to get over than an ex-boyfriend!!  And even when I do...I think what else is bugging me is that I'm feeling a bit lost again.  This is a time where I really wish I had a coach because I really need help analyzing what went wrong.   Because I really felt like I was doing everything right-the increased mileage actually felt good, I didn't race my training runs, "hard days hard, easy runs easy", I made sure to get in at least one XT day a week-kinda using my 2008 training as a guide as that went really well.   And I guess I need to know how to prevent it from happening again, and even just want help with a game plan for building back up.  Thoughts...?

And even yesterday's race had those ups and downs...the thrill of victory to the agony of de-feet ;-)...from Meb's amazing victory, putting an American on top of the podium for the first time in god knows how long...to Paula's attempt at 3-peat dashed in the late miles.  From PR's and perfect races...to those where the end result may not have been what they hoped it would be, but still gave it their all and should be proud-I know I am!!  And it's crazy how much me, as a spectator, teammate and friend feels invested in other people's results...there was one that I was literally heartbroken to see that I almost cried when I saw it (though still an amazing time!!)  I guess because I know that feels all too well...when we know what we trained for and that we *can* run that time and something out of our control derails it...as we all know, the numbers don't always tell the story.

OK I think that is enough emotion for one post.  Too much?  Maybe.  But as with my race report, I find writing about this is cathartic in a way (thanks LG!)...a place to channel my thoughts or something like that.  So if you are still reading, thank you :)

Signing off for now with again congrats to the NYCMers...hope those post-race drinks are flowing very well right now!!  And can't forget-GO YANKS!!!  Will tonite lock up #27....?